The Black Box: “Nightman”

Television pilots are tough to make. It’s hard to introduce the concept and entire cast of characters of a show in one episode and still have that episode hold up on it’s own. But just because something’s hard doesn’t make it any more excusable when you fail spectacularly at doing it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Black Box, where we check out pilots that crashed and burned to see exactly what went wrong.

Guys, I’m done.

Fuck this shit. I don’t know why the fuck I continue to subject myself to this torture. I legit don’t know what the fuck happened in this thing. All I know was that it was a Marvel Comics live action show. You know what? Fuck it, I’m just gonna review Daredevil season two instead.

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Or, like, I’m reviewing three episodes of it, ’cause that’s all I’ve seen.

So first off, I have to acknowledge how much I enjoyed the first season. Because that amount was a lot. The casting was incredibly solid, it had easily the best MCU villain, and it really did the overall tone of the character justice. If anything, I would say it’s greatest flaw was that it clearly didn’t anticipate being given a second season. I don’t think they would have HUGE SPOILER ALERT killed off Ben Urich if they knew they were getting more episodes. But on to season two! So we start wi–

AAAh!! What the fuck?! Where am I?! I… um… it looks like I’m in some kinda warehouse maybe? It’s kinda dar– GAAAAH!

I’m fucking chained to the wall! What the hell-fuck? What is going o– Hang on, someone else is here.

 

Hello? He–

I’m sorry, what? what do you fucking mean “finish the job”?

What? why do I need t– OK OK you don’t need to point that thing at me, I’ll do it.

 

So I’m apparently being held hostage until I finish my review of Nightman. Surprisingly not the weirdest thing to happen this week. And considering the fact that my captor is VERY DEFINITIVELY ARMED, it looks like I should go ahead and review Nightman.

Screen Shot 2016-03-20 at 6.17.13 PM

                                    I AM 100% DOING THIS OF MY OWN FREE WILL TOTALLY.

So Nightman is based on a Marvel Ultraverse comic, a line so obscure I’VE barely hear of it. The story focuses on a jazz musician who has telepathy and a robot suit.

WHY IS THIS SO BORING, IT SHOULD BE COOL?

razza-frazza-bullshit-show.

So the series follows John Domingo and his tech/professional paranormologist friends. The entire time, the trio are being chased by government agents. It’s like the Family Guy sketch “Mind Quad” only none of it is a joke.Also, yes I hate-watch every season of Family Guy, I have a thing for bad tv, is that really surprising? so John–

Ok, he left to go to the bathroom, and ain’t no way I’m talking about this bullshit any longer than necessary. So as for the first few episodes of Daredevil season two, I have to say the core dynamic of Matt, Foggy, and Karen remains pitch-perfect. Their interactions are incredibly fun and the performances create wonderfully charming characters.

But if we’re talking new characters, we gotta discuss The Punisher. Jon Be– Domingo AKA Nightman uses his newfound psychic powers to help try to prevent a bomb and an assassination, one of which he is more successful at than the other. Also, his cyborg suit looks insanely dumb and it hurts to look at.

Although the biggest disappointment is because of the series’s creator. You see, this isn’t the first show of his I’ve talked about on this site.

Larsen was the creative mastermind behind Manimal, and Manimal ruled! Apparently, Manimal (raar) guest stars in a later episode of this series. I wish I’d watched that one.

NO, I’M NOT STALLING, THIS IS A RELEVANT TANGENT, GOD!!!!!

Sorry, arguing with my captor. Christ, how the fuck do people ever develop Stockholm Syndrome?

Hmm? Yeah, sure, dinner would be great.

Oh, I dunno, burger?

Yeah, In-N-Out’s cool.

Huh, he’s getting’ me food. Maybe he’s not so bad after a– oh wait, I’m a hostage, right.

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The Punisher feels good but off. I dunno, there’s just something wrong with him so far. Besides the hair. But yeah, his hair is dumb.

Also, I’m a little pissed at the rewrite of the Welcome Back, Frank scene in the third episode. In the original, the Punisher chains DD to a chimney and gives him a gun and tells DD to shoot him or he’ll shoot another guy. After much intense hesitation, Matt points the gun at Frank and pulls the trigger, only to find it was unloaded. Frank congratulates Matt on his decision and Matt depressedly contemplates his iwn actions and motivations.

In the show, Matt uses the gun to shoot out the chains and escape to beat down the Punisher. it kinda damages the point of the scene in favor of giving us what is admittedly a really cool action sequence.

But yeah, aside from my minor complaints, I think what i’ve seen so far of the series is absolutely excellent in a bunch of ways. Highly recommende–

Nightman sucks and I hate it. And since I’ve totally 100% written a whole review of it, I said everything I had to say about it. God dammit in-n-out is good.

Soooo, I can go now?

Sweet! how do I leave? Can I just walk out of he– Why are you raising the butt of your gun like tha– oh god don’t hit m–

AAAH FuCK!!

Oh thank christ I’m back. That was weird. Let’s all just never acknowledge again that I may have been kidnapped by someone with a vendetta against Garry A. Larsen.

I don’t even whatever, you guys.

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