WTSF: March to the Sea- Part the Second

Have you ever seen a book cover and thought “what in the hell could that possibly be about?” Well, we’re actually digging in to one of those weird novelties (two actually) to figure out what the hell is going on. And, because this is too much work for one solitary book detective, I’m bringing in a partner. So me and my pal Kyla MacDonald will be alternating weeks, each with our own weird book, breaking them down and digging in deep, trying to once and for all figure out… WTSF?

This week we continue to look at this very weird book and my opinion may be changing.

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So last week we covered the basic premise and whatnot so if you HAVEN’T read it, go down to the bottom of this post, click the tag for March to the Sea, and read my last entry. This is gonna be a continuing series and I can’t recap the whole thing every time.

This week we continue on with Roger and his squad trekking through the jungle. They encounter a group of natives who are patrolling the area riding large, two legged flar-tas. the book describes them thusly:

It looked like a bipedal dinosaur.

Guys, I think our authors just learned the word dinosaur! This is amazing! Maybe now we can get over this whole thing! So, book, what are you going to call these creatures?

Horse-Ostriches

facepalm

                                                               So close, and yet…

So, moving on from my PROFOUND disappointment, let’s talk about what happens next. Roger and co. meet a tradesman of another Mardukan race. The book takes a paragraph to describe exactly how long, in meters, his weapon is, BECAUSE OF COURSE IT DOES.

They trade with the tradesman, who discusses the creatures of Marduk, which he refers to as Sin-ta as opposed to flar-ke because we needed two words for “dinosaurs, you guys, just call them fucking dinosaurs”.

One of Roger’s soldiers thinks to themselves about how it seems the entire royal squad has been struck with an “ancient Chinese curse” which… um, ok? Like, legit confusing, but sure, whatever, I don’t know anymore. Do whatever.

The next note I have just says: “Roger muses about fruit he misses,” so feel free to assume how interesting that must’ve been to read.

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             This is the first Google Image search result for the phrase “fruit is boring” so enjoy that. 

We learn that Roger’s father, the king I’d presume, was banished from earth for being a massive dickhole. We also learn that Roger only learned this recently (I’d assume it happened in the last book which I didn’t read for reasons I clearly laid out in the first column). I assume that’s why he’s been pretty quiet so far.

But it turns out the platoon is running dangerously low on money and tradable goods so someone has a proposal on how to deal with that. One of the soldiers proposes taking on a mercenary job in a nearby city to get the funds. The squad leader is against it, but Roger offers to take command under an assumed name.

That name?

CAPTAIN SERGEI!!!!!!!!!

who, according to google images, would look like this:

mosin.16c.gif

                                                                            Drink it in.

So next chapter will probably be about that and I am honestly kind of excited. I might be coming around on this book.

But just, like, a little bit.

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED:

  • Writers DO IN FACT know the word dinosaur, are just not using it to fuck with me personally.
  • Roger is the best at picking fake names.
  • Some people really miss fruit.

Next week, Kyla will probs be back with the next chapter of her book, or I’ll knock out an episode of Cop Rock. It shall be a mystery to all!

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