BEFORE WE GET INTO THIS: I have a kickstarter that’s currently searching for funds. It’s for a comedy web series about friends and interventions, so if you find this thing I do funny, consider throwing us a few bucks, I’d really appreciate it. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/708820076/youve-got-a-problem?ref=user_menu
The first decade of this millennium is often heralded as some sort of golden age for children’s films. Sure, most of Pixar’s best flicks came out in this period, and there were some winners in general, but I think people tend to view the films of their own childhood with rose-colored glasses. Most of these films are goddamn godawful. Just HOW goddamn godawful, you ask? Let’s find out together by checking out EVERY kids film between 2000 and 2009. From theatrical to direct-to-DVD to Disney Channel Original, we’ll look at ’em all because I am a glutton for punishment.
This week, Welcome to 2002! Let’s get this shit underway!
So I’m an old school Archie Comics fan and I have fond memories of their TV exploits. Specifically the one this film spun out of. Archie’s Weird Mysteries was essentially Scooby-Doo but starring Archie characters. Each episode focused on a different spooky crime or phenomana, because who’s better equipped to face down aliens or avoid a time travel paradox than a bunch of perpetual teenagers who spend all their time hanging around outdated places of business.
This film revolves around one of Jughead’s ancestors from caveman days who is warped through time to the present and causes quite a deal of confusion. What a conundrum!
Eventually, Jughead and the caveman, going by Jugman bond and become friends. Jugman plays on the football team and dances at a party. He also romances Betty Cooper because even a caveman can see that she’s the correct choice over Veronica Lodge.
This is obvious shit. It is shocking that Archie Andrews didn’t pick up on it way sooner.
But all in all it’s fun enough and isn’t overly long but it’s kinda boring. And forgettable.
What’re we talking about again?
ASTERIX AND OBELIX IN MISSION CLEOPATRA MYSTERY TEAM
This is fine. Like, It’s not as funny or as smart as I’d hoped, but it’s charming enough and if you need to kill some time, you could watch way worse movies that don’t have Donald Glover in them.
The film, put together by and starring sketch group Derrick Comedy, follows the titular mystery team, a trio of elementary school sleuths about to graduate high school and still acting like children. In order to regain their credibility, they decide to solve a new case: a murder!
The movie itself is populated by funny and skilled actors like Matt Walsh and Aubrey Plaza, but is overall not anything to write home about. I found myself really wanting to like it more based on the charm of the main cast but the final product just felt lacking.
However, it was indeed a charming watch and some of the goofier jokes land the hardest. It’s one I enjoyed, even if I felt just the slightest bit let down by the whole experience.
But yeah, charm will get you a long way with me, and this film has it in spades.
And that’s it for this week, next week, we return to a film from last year and get a sequel I didn’t know existed.